Getting back to the grind

Today is my first day back to work since the break-up. I was telling a coworker about the happenings of the weekend.

She said she couldn't believe that I could have such a upsetting weekend and tell her about it still smiling. She said she would be crushed, and didn't know how I was doing it.

I also talked to my Dad this morning, and I told him the EX was coming over tonight to pick up some more of his things. He asked how our conversation went, and asked if Ex sounded like he wanted to work things out.

Well after those two convo's I sit here wondering....do I want to work it out, or would I rather just stay a single mom??????

I guess that will be my pondering for the day. Hope I come to some conclusion :(

one day down...

So my first day as a single mom is coming to and end.

The day was pretty much the same as every other day with the exception of EX not being here. Actually it was probably a little easier:

1) I didn't have to run around picking up after him...I mean picking up after 1 child is hard enough nevermind 2

2)No one yelled at Danika to be quiet, or less active...I mean give me a break she's 2...she's suppose to be that way

3)I got the tv remote all to myself....no more construction/poker shows for me

4)Didn't have to choose carefully what was made for supper...I mean just because some people are picky doesn't mean Danika and I should be.


The Ex called around 8 p.m. to talk to Danika, and talk to me. He needed me to pay a bill for him since he didn't have the paper work with him, and asked if he could come pick-up some more of his things tomorrow night. He said he's gonna call a lawyer tomorrow so he can see what he should be paying in child support so he can start right away.

Well, so far so good with the single mommy thing...hopefully they all go so well;)

What will my future hold

My boyfriend left me yesterday! We have been together for almost 4 years and have a beautiful 2 yr 8 mth old daughter.

I have not been happy in a while, and today while having a little disagreement I decided to tell SO this and told him that someday soon we needed to sit down and talk about it. You see my SO has this habit of never talking about our problems, he'd rather just ignore them....where as I would rather discuss them so they don't become bigger problems.

Well, when I told him this he again blew me off...and the fight started. I let it out, told him how I needed him to help more around the house, and with Danika and that we needed to discuss having another baby, because although I know he wants to wait until we have a bigger house, I want to have another one before I'm too old!

Well, this is when he yells at me that he doesn't want another one and I'll never have another baby with him. Well this just broke my heart because I was really up front with him before we started going out and told him not to bother going out with me if he didn't want kids-plural because I wanted up to 6. During the last 4 years he has always told me we could have another child, and now all of a sudden with no discussion its NEVER-I feel deceived, conned, ect...and I told him so.

Well we keep fighting and all the problems he'll never discussed finally come out...and what does he do, tells me that if I think I can do better than him, then go for it cause he's through-and he left! I thought maybe he had only left to blow off some steam, but a couple of hours later he came back, packed up some of his things and left!

Its funny, I'm not really upset. The way things have been lately I think I would rather it be over. I love him but I want a partnership and if he can't give one to me than I would rather make a life on my own with Danika.